This blog was created for one purpose. With the hope that it will help others.
As a Christian, the big “D” (Divorce), is not something that is spoken about often in church; probably because it’s pretty well known God hates divorce. In fact, I wasn’t even aware that God permitted divorce in the case of adultery until after I had filed. (Matthew 5:32)
When the decision was made to file for divorce, I cried out to God asking why this was happening. Why did my marriage end in divorce? Why did my husband have yet another affair? Why, after all the work I had put in, after all of my sacrifice, had it ended this way? I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t do drugs. I didn’t cheat. I went to church. I prayed. And now, I was 30 years old with a three-year-old son and a failed marriage. So why was this happening?
And the simple answer is, I have no freaking idea. Months later, and I can tell you I have no idea why my life went to crap. Right now, it’s a bunch of “I don’t knows”. I don’t know where my life is going. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone again. I don’t know if the decisions my ex-husband makes will forever change my son. And I don’t know if this divorce is for the best. And as a control freak…limbo…sucks.
Yes, I don’t know where my life is going, but God does.
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”-Jeremiah 29:11
A year before my husband’s first affair, I prayed that God would use my life to better serve Him. That I would grow closer to Him and that He would strengthen my faith. Well, let me tell you. God has a sense of humor.
You see, I believe God is using my husband’s affair to make me stronger.
Weird as it sounds, way down deep in my gut, I believe God allowed my divorce through my ex-husbands infidelity because he knew it was the only way I would run to him with complete abandonment. I believe I am purposefully broken. That my broken heart, and broken family, is a part of God’s plan for my life. That it will create a purpose in my life. I have no idea what that purpose is, but I’m trusting God to guide me.
With my eyes fixed on God, I am walking on a path not knowing where it will lead.