How do you see God in brokenness?
It’s a question I was asked by a reader the other day, and to be honest, at first I didn’t know how to respond. I really wanted to say the “right” thing. The answer that would make the difference. But instantly, my insecurities and doubts bubbled to the service, and I hestitated. After all, I’m not trained for this. I didn’t go to seminary, and I’m not a Pastor’s daughter. But then I remembered the motto of a church I LOVE.
With God, with others, and with myself.
So yes, I’m a struggling single-mom going through a divorce. Yes, I falter. Yes, I fail. Yes, I sin just like everybody else. But, I’m also a work in progress. God does not expect me to be perfect, he expects me to follow his will. So, the best thing I can do is be honest. About the good, and the bad. When I was asked that question, I immediately understood its complexity, because I’ve felt that pain. I know it’s name and I’ve seen its face.
When I found out my husband was having another affair, I remember sitting on the edge of my bathtub, with my hand clutched over my heart sobbing. Uncontrollably, I rocked back in forth, barely able to catch my breath, because I knew. My life was never going to be the same. I’ve lied on the ground of an empty house, lost in darkness, unable to lift my head off the floor.
And as I remember those times, I ask myself, what changed? How did I break free?
For me, I was able to see the light when I understood there was a purpose for my brokenness.
My life, my marriage, and my heart, were intentionally broken so I that I could become the person GOD wants me to be. IF I choose to follow his will.
When my pain has a purpose, I can start healing through hope.
I was able to start healing because I surrendered to the will of God, and TRUSTED there was a purpose from my suffering. My tears, my heartache, and my fears, weren’t meaningless, or endless. There was a point and plan to the madness. But I had to TRUST God’s plan and timing, and stop trying to control my emotions, or the situation.
When I surrender to His will, I let go of the fears and the anxiety that are holding me back from my growth. I embrace the understanding that certain situations are beyond my control, and just have faith.
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words