For the longest time I had a hard time putting into words why I started writing this blog.
Originally, I wanted to share a brutally honest and real depiction of what it feels like to face infidelity and go through a divorce. I was 30 years old with a 3-year-old and all I kept hearing was, “Well, you’re young. You’ll get re-married.” As if a future no one could guarantee was going to make the divorce okay, because one day I’d be happy in a new relationship.
Not only did that future not help me get through the day, but it was based on the idea that another “person” was going to make me happy again.
And I get everyone was trying to make me feel better. Or wanted to see me in a good relationship with someone who actually appreciates me. But no matter what anyone says hoping to ease the suffering, in the beginning, getting through each day is freaking hard. Your mental, physical, and emotional cups are completely drained. Every single day, you’re walking through the Sahara Desert with a Dixie cup of water.
So, I wanted to write down how I was getting through each moment. Not next week, or next month, or even next year. But THAT day. THAT moment. The good and the bad. I wanted to share how I was feeling in the most honest and real way I could. No sugar coating. No pretending to be the “perfect” Christian to escape judgement. Because I believe the most common misconception people have about Christians (and that we have about ourselves) is that you have to meet some predetermined bar in order to call yourself a “Christian”. You can’t cuss, drink or be angry. You can’t have tattoos or struggle with temptations, or even have an addiction. But for me, these are the exact reasons why I’m a Christian.
The Church is a hospital, not a museum.
And as Pastor Matt Brown likes to say, “There’s only one perfect person, and he died on a cross 2,000 years ago.”
The whole point is that we are broken people who need a savior. So, I think we should be real in our struggles. Be real in our pain. Because it’s how we connect. Through honesty and vulnerability. It’s how we grow our compassion and our empathy. It’s how we break free from loneliness and support one another.
When I first started writing, I knew God had a purpose for my life. I had no idea what is was, but I believed there was meaning in the mess. That my ex-husband’s affairs, and our subsequent divorce, had a greater purpose. And as each day went by, my faith grew. I spent time in prayer and learned to depend on Him. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made amazing, life-changing relationships as a result. Over time, I started to see happiness would not come from a man. I started to see my faith in a way I never did before.
Unbeknownst to me, I was living in a marriage bound my resentment, bitterness, and darkness. Prior to his first affair, my ex and I were just lost souls completely incapable of understanding how to connect. I didn’t even understand why I was upset until we went to counseling. Where I learned that anger is just hurt covered in gasoline waiting for someone to light a match.
I have learned so much about myself over the last four years. I’ve learned why I’m unfortunately attracted to men who undervalue me. I’ve learned why “acts of service” is my love language. And why I never used to cry. Why I refused to let that armor slip. But I also learned vulnerability takes an incredible amount of strength. I learned wisdom can come from silence. And each day, I started to understand my value.
It takes an enormous amount of work and honesty, but I believe we can heal from our hurts and find purpose from our pain. I’m grateful for this journey because it’s made me a better person. And it’s also allowed me to connect and share my story in a way I never thought possible. I didn’t even consider myself a writer before I started this blog.
It’s crazy the way God works.
you are strong! would love to read more from you. Sending you hugs xX
LikeLiked by 1 person
Interestulingly, God takes thr bad that happens to us, turns it around, kneads the dough into something new, and it turns out to be for our/others good. Like the verse.
I know. I’ve had some pain in my life.
However, knowing this, doesn’t make it any easier in the present moment. It does though, give hope for a “less painful” future. Love your blogs. Very Insightful! Keep up the good works! Love in Christ, Danielsan
Wow!!! This is MY STORY as well!! As I read your words, I kept thinking, “Me, too!”
Thank you for allowing the Spirit to lead you and use you to touch my life! Thank you for being real…so many people do not understand what this journey truly feels like…it’s the deepest, darkest pain that I’ve ever felt and yet praise my God for snatching me out of an abusive 35 year marriage that I didn’t realize was abusive until after the divorce!
My relationship with Jesus has never been this amazing nor has it ever been this intimate (I almost hesitate to use that word for fear it will be misconstrued but I am sure you know what I mean). I feel Him in me and on me and through me and beside me every second of every day! It’s what a true relationship with Him should look like, feel like and be like!! No man on this earth will ever be able to be that to me or for me…
If God has another earthly relationship in my future, I welcome that but, if not, I am perfectly complete in who I am in Him and with Him!
Thank you, again, for being open, honest, and real! I look forward to whatever the Spirit puts in your heart to share next!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for posting this. I am on a very similar journey and I stumbled upon your blog a few days ago. It hits home. I’m not alone!! There are beautiful people like you who provide insight and understanding. Thank you for making me realize this. Thank you for being honest. You are loved! 💜
Takes strength to even write your story..I admire your spirit
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your blog resennates with me for so many reasons. Something you said in particular struck me- you said you discovered why you were attracted to men who under valued you. How did you arrive at that discovery & would you share what it is? this hits home for me but I’m not sure why I do this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Kristen! thank you for reaching out! Discovering our own weaknesses is not easy, but definitely required for growth. For me, a lot of self discovery came through counseling. After my ex and I split, I went through pretty extensive counseling not only through my church, but also through the same counselor I saw with my ex. Divorce is a highly emotional process, so it’s good to have an outside person help you navigate through it.
Wow! Your blog really hits home for me. I was married twenty years to a physical and mental abuser that had infidelity through the whole marriage. Through years of counseling and my faith. are the only reason I am alive today . I have two beautiful grandchildren that have given me a reason to wake up every morning and realize I’m still on this earth for a purpose . U r a strong woman that has taken a devistating life event and made purpose to help others through sharing your pain I thank you for opening up and helping others like myself to realize that you can heal from our pain . Please keep writing because you are helping someone like me thst can only see giving up as a solution to the pain I have endured. It’s a lonely saturday night and it’s been a really horrible day that’s really actually going to get more horrible and cause someone else pain and anger. But it’s a necessity to my. Ggrowth to stand up for myself and tell someone I’m sorry but I can’t hrlp them . If I help them I will be regressing back to a situation that felt like torture to myself because I was living with rejection and it has taken a lot to get to where I am .. I am praying for the strength to say no knowing it is going to put someone in a bad predicament that they r going to have to deal with. I never intended to write to you like this when I read your blog but it’s comforting to know thst I’m really not alone their is a greater power helping me to say no. Thank you for your help tonite because no matter how many tomes I hear get over it or I deserve better that I am not alone in my thoughts . 💜Patty M
I love ur authenticity! So true about being Christian & thinking or even feeling like we cannot express our unique & common struggles. Btw, ur sharing will help countless others, whether they comment back or read & quietly glean. Take care & God bless u!